Two worlds difference

Seems that even though I can have a deliciously divine Italian dinner with friends I can hardly enjoy my last bite as my mind drifts to the camp. I'll sit here silently and sip my exquisite cappuccino while simultaneously asking myself how I can enjoy this when I know of so many others who don't have this same luxury.

It is the weekend and I'm torn in two: half of me exists in this world full of endless goods and services while the other half longs for understanding, for being fully present with the people I've come to work alongside in the camp. I can sleep in the comfort of a semi-furnished bedroom in the capital city yet I yearn for the challenges camp living brings, for the insecurity that rests outside that bolted door. This conflict of interest is creating a mental dilemma that I'm struggling to overcome.

I can't help but wonder what my former students/ new found friends are up to tonight? Are they safe beneath the sheets or are they fearing the night? How can I know their stories if I am here and they are there? Is there shouting outside our bedroom window or are people hollering in the distance? Is our elderly, shoeless and half blind guard sitting alone tonight wondering where we are this night? Is he disappointed he wont be teaching us Chichewa or does it make any difference to him at this point?

How many crickets occupy the latrine tonight and are the spiders out for their evening feast? Has our mouse found the goodies left behind in our pseudo kitchen? Are the bees boring holes in the rafters and are the termites chewing their way through the walls? What do the stars and milky way look like tonight? There is nothing like staring into an African night sky in absolute darkness, it's magnificent. Would the wind on the plateau bring a sense of relief from the heat...I wish I knew.

My heart is there while my body is temporarily planted here.